The Village (2004)

Title: 'The Village' (2004)
Genre: The descent of Shamahilyanoran... a hey... a hey hey. (Step 3)
Rating: --/10

Fuck. If he can't be bothered to make a friggin' movie. I can't be bothered to review whatever it was that I just saw. I mean, for the lov'a film school, you've at least gotta have a 2nd and 3rd act. Right? Did I miss something?

Dear Mr. Shamaranalayianon,

Here are the basics:



The front edge of the slope represents the exposition and rising action. The apex or peak of the triangle represents the climax, and the steeper, trailing edge represents the denouement (or falling action) followed by the resolution.

This is pointless. I mean how are they gonna market your upcoming mermaid film anyway? 'From the acclaimed director of 'Signs' and 'The Village'? It's been almost 7 years since your one-hit-wonder. Admittedly, you pulled off that whole super-secret twist ending pretty durn well. But I figured out the 'ending' to this one half-way through the teaser trailer. Anyway, I'm pretty sure this was an old Twilight Zone episode to begin with. What am I saying? There was no 'ending'. Is that the secret?

As a test, I put my seismograph on top of my television. I set 'The Village' to loop on my DVD player throughout the night. As I woke the next morning, this is what I found:



For reals. No rising action. No Denouement. And I'm pretty sure that one bump is from my goldfish jumping out of its bowl.

Please stop.

Judgment: Suck