The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
Title: 'The Day After Tomorrow' (2004)
Genre: Disaster film, in many ways.
Rating 4/10
Why am I supposed to care? Seriously. What the fuck? I mean, I'm beating my head against a wall here. This shit is ridiculous. Friggin' Dennis Quaid? You're already pushing it. And then on top of that you make him retarded.
Quaid: 'I'm going after my son.'
Emergency response team: 'Yeah dude, good deal, um, thanks for everything, you eccentric weather genius that the world has never needed until now. Off you go. Thanks again, ballbag.'
And Jake Jgyllenenhall, you spelling bee disaster. Why? I mean for reals, do people read scripts anymore? I hope you attained your unrequited love there, Mr. Unlikely Hero. 'Cause I fell asleep around the time your 'I've got an extra chromosome' father was hiking over Grand Central Station.
What happened to the good, honest disaster movies of old. I'm talking 'Towering Inferno' (1974, friggin' Paul Newman. Friggin' STEVE McQUEEN), 'Airport' (1970, haven't seen it, but it sure looks disastery), 'Rollercoaster' (1977, I don't know if this belongs here, but it's always worth a mention) and 'The Poseidon Adventure' (1972), Fucking A, it doesn't get any better than the Poseidon Adventure. Shelley Winters, Ernest Borgnine, Gene Hackman, Red Buttons. Listen to me. 'Titanic' (1997) is the munge you scoop out of your dishwasher drain compared to the majesty that is 'The Poseidon Adventure'.
Borgnine: 'You. Preacher, murderer. I started to believe in your promises, that we had a chance. What Chance...'
That movie suckerpunches you in the gut, lets you catch your wind back, and kicks you right in the junk, it also flips a ballroom upside down and hangs people from the dinner tables. Snap! And, get this, you care about those characters, those people could be you! The BBC used to play that movie every Christmas in England. It's like the British version of 'It's a Wonderful Life'. God bless 'em.
Now it's being remade be Wolfgang Peterson. Leave it alone. For the luv'a Red Buttons.
And now I'm supposed to give a shit about these idiot characters and their battle against the Weather Channel? May I be excused? From everything? This film is a waste of everyone's time except the people who got paid to work on it. And I hold Roland Emmerich totally responsible. Lock him in the basement like Boo Radley. And keep any scissors away. We all hate you.
Judgement: Suck.
Genre: Disaster film, in many ways.
Rating 4/10
Why am I supposed to care? Seriously. What the fuck? I mean, I'm beating my head against a wall here. This shit is ridiculous. Friggin' Dennis Quaid? You're already pushing it. And then on top of that you make him retarded.
Quaid: 'I'm going after my son.'
Emergency response team: 'Yeah dude, good deal, um, thanks for everything, you eccentric weather genius that the world has never needed until now. Off you go. Thanks again, ballbag.'
And Jake Jgyllenenhall, you spelling bee disaster. Why? I mean for reals, do people read scripts anymore? I hope you attained your unrequited love there, Mr. Unlikely Hero. 'Cause I fell asleep around the time your 'I've got an extra chromosome' father was hiking over Grand Central Station.
What happened to the good, honest disaster movies of old. I'm talking 'Towering Inferno' (1974, friggin' Paul Newman. Friggin' STEVE McQUEEN), 'Airport' (1970, haven't seen it, but it sure looks disastery), 'Rollercoaster' (1977, I don't know if this belongs here, but it's always worth a mention) and 'The Poseidon Adventure' (1972), Fucking A, it doesn't get any better than the Poseidon Adventure. Shelley Winters, Ernest Borgnine, Gene Hackman, Red Buttons. Listen to me. 'Titanic' (1997) is the munge you scoop out of your dishwasher drain compared to the majesty that is 'The Poseidon Adventure'.
Borgnine: 'You. Preacher, murderer. I started to believe in your promises, that we had a chance. What Chance...'
That movie suckerpunches you in the gut, lets you catch your wind back, and kicks you right in the junk, it also flips a ballroom upside down and hangs people from the dinner tables. Snap! And, get this, you care about those characters, those people could be you! The BBC used to play that movie every Christmas in England. It's like the British version of 'It's a Wonderful Life'. God bless 'em.
Now it's being remade be Wolfgang Peterson. Leave it alone. For the luv'a Red Buttons.
And now I'm supposed to give a shit about these idiot characters and their battle against the Weather Channel? May I be excused? From everything? This film is a waste of everyone's time except the people who got paid to work on it. And I hold Roland Emmerich totally responsible. Lock him in the basement like Boo Radley. And keep any scissors away. We all hate you.
Judgement: Suck.
posted by Kong at
12:02 PM
1 Comments:
Yeah, but what about the cool swirling clouds?
By
DJ, at 3:52 PM
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