On the Waterfront (1954)

Title: 'On the Waterfront'
Genre: Old school AFI classic (drama)
Rating: 7/10

This movie is not that big of a fucking deal. Between this and 'Rear Window' (1954) I wish everyone would just calm the fuck down. Maybe it was the best thing going at the time, but you can't still include it at #8 of all time. That's retarded. They've obviously got some fucked up criteria. i.e. 'Star Wars' (1977) is on the list, but 'The Empire Strikes Back' (1980) doesn't get a mention, even though it's widely recognized as the opus of the trilogy. I guess they thought they were covering the whole mess with one mention. You know that's gonna end in tears for someone. But this movie is subpar even for 1954.

I was watching a 'restored' copy and the sound was terrible. The levels jumped all over the place from cut to cut. Like, in one scene there'd be 6 shots that had location dialogue and 6 that were obviously ADR or recorded in studio. All blended together as seemlessly as a frickin' prison quilt. Like so:

(low ambiance) Terry: You know, I seen you a lot of times before. Remember parochial school out on Paluski Street? Seven, eight years ago. Your hair, you had your hair uh...
(silence, studio...) Edie: Braids.
(In your face 40 mph wind) Terry: Looked like a hunk of rope. And you had wires on your teeth and glasses and everything. You was really a mess.

Marlon Brando is real good in his role as Terry. But, he'd better be. I figured that was the only reason this movie was in the top 10 of all time. But he had this eye-makeup on the whole time that was so friggin' distracting. He looked like a hungover Tutankhamen.


You know what I realized though? Brando is like that kid in High School who always kinda brushed you off in a way that made you wanna suck up to them more so you could be on their level, a cool kid looking down at the normies. He's been running that God damn racket from 'Streetcar Named Desire' (1951) through 'The Score' (2001). He's a smarmy asshole in just about everything.

Don't get me wrong, the guy can deliver a line like fuckin' Zeus.

'You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it. It was you, Charley.'

When you read that line, you hear Brando's voice all up in your mailbox. I'm just saying that the 'too cool for school' attitude contributed to his legendary persona on top of all that raw talent. Also, it sucks that I'm gonna be picturing the retarded eye-makeup everytime I hear that line from this point forward. Criminey, the restoration of the sound is the worst ever, but you took extra time on Marlon's Mascara? Jerks.

Maybe the 8th place of all time has to do with the director, Elia Kazan? So someone clue me in on his deal. All I know of him is the hullabaloo caused over his honorary 1999 Oscar. Remember how people were pissed 'cause in 1952 he helped name a crapboat full'a people who got blacklisted. Remember how a bunch of the actors stayed seated? Way to protest there, Warren Beatty. Stay in your friggin' seat for 10 seconds. How's that for passive resistance? In your face, Ghandi!

Maybe there's some political context I'm missing out on. Was this film a bid deal because it was about a stool-pigeon as directed by a stool pigeon? This shit is for grown-ups and capricious film students.

I feel like I've been coming down on movies too hard lately. Too bad. They've all been lame. Here's looking to the next good'un though. It'll be that much sweeter when it crosses my path.

Judgment: Eh.... So, so.