Solaris (2002)

Title: 'Solaris' (2002)
Genre: Captains Log. Stardate: 41780.2
Rating 7/10

I never saw the original 'Solyaris' (1972), is it super awesome? I guess it had to be to warrant a remake, right? I haven't seen it, but, I kinda get the feeling that it was awesome because it was artsy and abstract. So, Hollywood decided to update it... Without the Artsy and Abstract bits. That sounds like something they would do. Hollywood, you so craaaazy.

Because, without the occasional film-quality star nebula shot. This movie doesn't feel like anything more than a decent 'Star Trek' episode, only with more bare Clooney ass and less Wesley Crusher.

But, *ahem* I kinda enjoyed it. You have to be patient with it for about 20 minutes until they toss the hook out. But once it's rolling it's good times. But then it all ends too soon. I guess the thinking was 'We can't have an art movie go over 100 minutes.', except they forgot that they'd taken all the arty bits out. So, it's like you're cruisin' down the highway having a good time... and you accidentally take the wrong exit, and then you're done. There is no on-ramp. No more highway for you. Good day, sir. Please, get off our porch.
Sincerley,
20th Century Fox

Jerks. That's a shame, because Soderbergh is actually a really decent director. 'The Limey' (1999), 'Traffic' (2000)... They shoulda given him a little more rope. On top of all that, James 'I'm King of the World' Cameron produced this sum'bitch. So, I ask you, where are the s'plosions? I implore, where is the big mamma jamma artillary?

Judgement: Don't go out of your way